Divorce or Separation Therapy, Counseling and Treatment
Short and Simple List of Reasons Couples Separate or Divorce:
- Conflict
- Poor Communication, or no communication
- Lack of emotional and/or sexual intimacy and affection
- Infidelity, or simply too much flirtatious behavior
- The individuals have changed in different directions, have differing goals or values
- One partner’s behaviors/issues have become intolerable to the other
- Inability to face stresses, traumas or a gridlocked issue together
Separation and Divorce, as with Marriage, is best approached with calm thoughtfulness and care. Is this the best decision? Have we made our best effort to save our relationship? Would you want your next partner to leave you in the way you are leaving this partner?
Unless violence or danger is involved (if it is, see Domestic Abuse Therapy), a good rule of thumb is to take careful thought and even soul-searching to make such huge decisions, and to give one’s best to the process.If you have tried one therapist for a few months and weren’t satisfied, try another. This website has relationship specialists who can offer the added benefit of trauma therapy for the early or current experiences that add to a spouse’s problem with the other. Also see Couples Therapy and Treatment.
Frequently, couples seem to be perfectly matched to trigger each others past fears, insecurities, and other disturbing emotions. EMDR Therapy has been used to resolve many of these early distresses. With such support, the individuals in the couple become free to see the present as it is, and what seemed problematic feels far less weighty and serious. Behaviors that seemed unchangeable now ease their hold, begin to feel optional and can gradually be discarded.
Sometimes, however, one partner becomes convinced that “this match is no longer the best one for me.” At that point, the goal can shift away from creating a healthy marriage to creating a healthy, structured separation with the potential for reuniting. Or, the goal might shift to creating a healthy divorce. Some of the same skills and awareness can now be used in this direction. With increasing practice and skill, each party gains better potential for a satisfying relationship with a new partner in the future, if that is desired.
Often people fear how a divorce will affect the children. Realistically, it will be a painful loss, and some children may need therapy to help them recover. Nonetheless, there are children who express relief because they have been living in a “pressure cooker.” Their biggest concerns are generally: “which parent they I be living with and how will I maintain a loving relationship with both parents.” This is a good priority for each parent to work toward, as well. There is research that children find a difficult divorce traumatic. You can help your children greatly by your efforts to have a “good” divorce (as calm, respectful and cooperative as possible). Sometimes the past is not full of respect, but the future can be more respectful if the two of you succeed in helping your children together now.
Divorce is a time of loss of the dreams the couple had at the beginning, loss of the future together they had been seeking, and loss of the relationship network as it had been. The feelings of loss can pop up at unexpected times. Divorce is a time of great transition with many important decisions to make, individually and as a team, especially if there are children involved. It can also be a time of new hope and potentials. Please call one of our EMDRIA-Certified EMDR Therapists specializing in divorce therapy today to get healing help and support with the challenges you are facing.
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